Your Blackhole

I try to prick it with all my might,
For that burgeoning bubble
Turned from colorful to black and white.

But you don’t even move a limb,
Despite that shock of the lightning?

Is it the cold
That turned you so numb
Or the same hex
In that premature womb?

Then I see how she eviscerates you
And it all came so easy,but true
It was already a bed of nails
Yet she never undid her veil.

Now it’s like some clock stopped ticking
And those shutters shutting.
The drums don’t match that heartbeat anyway
While I behold all of it fade away.

But I try to dig that soul with all that finesse,
Only to find black and nothingness,
Blackness so dark and wide,
It was minus 5 inside.

How could I find that soul
When I was your own Blackhole .

Those Movies..and Those Sitcoms...:)

"In the kitchen.
Mum: (making me coffee) So, you ain't going out with friends today?

Me: (Staring at the kitchen wall)

Society, man! You know, society! Cause, you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why people, why every fucking person is so bad to each other so fucking often. It doesn't make sense to me. Judgment. Control. All that, the whole spectrum.

Mum: What has gotten into you?

Me: You know..parents,hypocrites, politicians ,pricks."


Yeah! It was Alexander Supertramp , When I saw “Into the wild” last year, I got so damn drugged by the character, that I decided not to leave my room for days, write random stuff, switch my phone off and cut all cords , listen to some crazy obsolete music and talk radical stuff about society.

It happens with me quite often, It's like a phenomenon.

I couldn't sleep the night after watching The Butterfly Effect,and how chaotic that Chaos Theory and that Inception was.

But then after a while the frenzy fades away and so does the idea in my mum’s mind that I should see a shrink (guffaws), because after a while I come to the realization that This is a real life and you cannot *Real A Reel* and I get back to being normal and being a little *metamorphosed* at the same time.

Well... the subject that I'm doing my majors in (genetics that is) is to an extent is also driven by this phenomenon .
It all started with Jurassic park in 4th standard ,I didn’t get the concept really well at first but when I read the book by Michael Crichton I was so intrigued and I knew that it’s gonna be genetics.
Then came CSI Miami ,and as a kid I used to picture myself as a forensic consultant in some FBI lab. And then later in 11th standard or so I started coveting Bones (Emily Deschanel) who palyed a forensic anthropologist.
The curiosity grew to an extent that I got myself an internship in Central Forensic Science Laboratory (CBI).
And it was truly one of a kind experience.

I feel Watching a sitcom is like being addicted to some drug ,green or black.
I remember watching 18 episodes of 24 a day and then wake up the next day only to watch the 19th.
Oh! How I love getting lost in them.

I admire the way Dr Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) justifies his atheism and how he thinks life is a test and how he has difficulty with the whole concept of belief, that Faith isn’t based on logic and experience.


Then again it's been happening with me for past two days now that I watched “The Social Network”

I am totally besotted by the way Jesse Eisenberg played the character of Mark Zuckerberg, and it's not about him being the youngest billionaire in the world or something.
I simply am smitten by the way he looked so stoned all the time, passionately thinking about the next best thing he needs to do, and everything he did without a speck of dilettante approach.It seems all so inspiring to me how he latched on to the little ideas from people and transmuted them into something so prodigious.

And now I have already spent two nights thinking what would my research interest be – cloning hair follicles, or how rigor mortis could happen before death, diabetes, cancer, elastin, collagen, forensic and blahh.

I simply love the phenomenon and being metamorphosed!

Come drench yourself...

The twigs and stamps we collected
Are being set afire,
They are already burning bright,
Feels like it's my own pyre.

But you can't help the conflagration ,Can you?
So, come drench yourself in this rain with me.

The twinkling stars are out of view,
For that dense cloud ,such a nebulous shrew.
No green so serene,
No yellow ,no blue.
Only loudness of black and white.
The breeze so still,
No shimmering light.

But you cant help the refraction ,can you?
So, come drench yourself in this rain with me.

The cold water on skin,
That doesn't feel so cold,
For we live in this quagmire,
With those fungus and mould.

The wet clay is drying into a shapeless new.
But you can't help the dryness ,can you?
So come drench yourself in this rain with me.

You yelled ,they prayed,
Who could have helped?
The train still derailed,
And You can't help the derailment ,can you?

You know the way out of that queue,
But you still cannot break through.

You can't stop that clock from ticking,can you?

So, come drench yourself in this rain with me...
For so long you have stayed awake,
So long have you starved,
Now let that dirt be washed away.

To let go of that insomnia,
And that barnacle anorexia.
To rise and shine and live again,
To dream that dream like a child again.

Come drench yourself in this rain with me...

Wish to give that bird wings again......

Like an enchantress,
She can set everything straight for you.
She’s the tranquility
When you are choleric.

Stretched through those purple two
That angel smile,
She can make everything seem so easy,
And make a month look like a lifetime.

She‘ll Fight against all odds
Like that Joan of arc,
And you still wonder
How she got those scars?

Yet she is not what the world sees her to be
She’s so much more,
So much more than these eyes can behold,
But you just don’t deserve to know.

I saw her flying the other day.
Singing her own song of life.
Loving the breeze on her face,
Keeping the velocity and pace,
Soaring higher and higher.

When they suddenly chopped her wing,
And she fell back on earth,
Hit the ground so hard,
All battered and bruised.

And they stood callously
Watched her suffer and cry.

And in all perplexity,
I stood flummoxed, wondering,
How they tried to extirpate that spirited song,
That epitome of beauty.


Remembering …
How magnanimity always deluged her heart.
The lady with the curls and purple lips…

How She loved splurging money on bags and shoes,
Like a young girl so prodigal.
How she stayed up all night when you lay unwell
And caressed your head, Like a mother figure.

And Elvis Presley playing at night…
And then black coffee with “C”

Then strikes this urge ,
To revivify the bird.

But the unsettling silence,
Silence so eerie
And who knew?
It was the silence preceding the Storm.

No sooner than I tried to diffuse the bomb,

The Blast!!!

Only ashes and dust near and far……

I live The Dream...Everyday...

The longest phone call,
We talk about books,music,hedonism,philosophy and all that jazz.
Suddenly you wouldn't corroborate with what i just said,
And I'd convince myself thinking that you are such a pain in the ass.
Yet for hours we talk and talk.

The long messenger chats,coffee mug in hand,
We discuss "The zahir" and The Aerosmith band.

The morning walk,
About Darwin and Lamarck i talk,
You listen to it all, like the best proselyte.
And then like a preceptor, explain the demand and supply,
While i pretend to listen, in that wondrous auto ride.

The daily fights ,frustrations,hatred,
And then just a hug is enough to set things straight.

You nudge me to shed some weight every single day,
Yet you treat me with gelato(3 in one go) and that oreo shake,
That luscious chicken at kakke da dhaba,
That lassi and so much butter on aloo paratha.

And we do all crazy things,putting up black nail paint in CCD,
And then washing our dirtied legs in KFC.

The biking lessons,
You become grumpy when i don't hit it right
I feign ,i'm putting in all my might.
And it's not that i can't do it right,
It's just that i love that T'd off sight.

The breeze on my face during that cycle ride,
And feels as if we took another flight.

You pay a 100 bucks to the rickshawala ,
And then ask me to haggle for 10 with the autowala..
The India Gate and that kala khatta,
And the black tongues,like kids,we flaunt,
Then Sarojini's pani puri and that palika rooftop.

You sing me that lovely coldplay song,
For,last night on the phone, we fought.

Then The night at blues ,
We both are so blotto and loose,
And Miss X's platinum card we use.

I shop lift that scrumptious cuppy cake,
And cook maggi ,you always denigrate,
Yet you always relished ,
For that's the only dish i can make.
The christmas eve ,with coffee,maggi and cake
On the rooftop ,we celebrate.

The scrabble ,the word challenge and backgammon,
And then about nothing at all, everyday,i ramble on...

You castigate me for chewing a gum in the metro,
While we run for that Dark Knight show.
You sulk "Why can't i do *that* like *this*?".
And then subtly smile over the fatuous things i do,
But No,you got no clue,
That nettling you is such a bliss.

The perfect black dress ,for me, you shop,
The card and the essential Calvin and Hobbes..

(Alarm ringing)
It's a wake up call,
Clanking my head,
It's no more a free fall,
And as reality comes my way,
I realize you are so many Worlds away.

And I live with this(My) dream everyday.

On weekends, i still go to Oxford Book Store,
Then sometimes even Route '04,
There i sit in a corner, near that door
And watch us both from a distance.

Yes... "You and Me,on OUR table,singing,shouting out loud,
Banging heads,and mocking at the boring couples around.
And then i climb the table singing out loud,
"So kiss me and smile for me ,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go,
Coz I'm Leaving on a jet plane"
And then the whole world joins in,
As if i were a celebrity."


I still wear your green T-shirt,
And go to subway to have chicken ham,
Dressed with mint mayo and mustard.

I go back home,
Hit the sac everyday,
Just to drift back in time,
And dream again...

The alarm rings everyday,
My wake up call,
Clanking my head,
It's no more a free fall.

Waking up,i open the window,
And feel the breeze in my face
Coming from some far off land,
Whispering in my ears,
"I am there for u,with u ,Forever"

And I just don't live with the dream,
I LIVE THE DREAM every single day.

Eviction of Slums....What a Shame!!!

"I cry like a hapless creature ,that even my tears have dried but there's not even a single sole who'd care to listen to my whimper for even once .

I carry bricks over my head everyday to and fro ,to help this city give birth to the surreal buildings and flyovers, so that i can feed my kids with two meals a day.

My Husband pulls rickshaw day and night so that our child can go to school.

I fail to understand ,how could our little home (Jhuggi in your terms), and our child playing around with running nose make this city look ugly on the map of the world???

Our little world was run over by a bulldozer yesterday ,and THEY promise to relocate us to some newer place in the outskirts..
It feels like being *Castrated* and rendered impotent after we have delivered your child.."

Thousands of cries like these either go unheard or are overlooked while the government inhumanely have the bulldozers run over the squatter settlements in the name of beautification for some 12 day event happening in Delhi,"The Common Wealth Games" ,for the sake of National Pride ,THEY say...

The irony is that most of the families being ushered away in the follow up to the CWG are the ones which moved up to Delhi in 1980s to build up the Games Village and various Stadiums for the Asiad games..

The government promises them land in the outskirts..
BUT... who'll promise them the JOBS,they lost, the SCHOOLS for their kids, for the distances are too much for them to afford...and who'll buy them the AMENITIES(like TV, Coolers..etc).. for which they drudged night and day to accumulate..

YES.... The impact on Delhi’s poor and workers is incalculable:
In the name of CWG, some 4 lakh people have been evicted from slums in Delhi,in the past 6 years. The homeless have been thrown out of Delhi as beggars and street vendors are being evicted from the streets and weekly bazaars scrapped in the name of presenting a posh appearance to international guests...


The Delhi Government and Central Government claimed that CWG would turn Delhi into a world class city and boost India’s prestige. But they do not disclose the reality that the official expenditure for CWG has gone up from the initial one of Rs 700 crore to Rs 28, 000 crore. To meet this vast expenditure, money was sordidly siphoned away from social welfare schemes including schemes for Dalits and deprived sections...


It's ignominious that in a land which gloats so much of Democracy ,
The Right To Life is being violated brazenly....

Assisted Suicide/Voluntary Euthanasia...

Sue Rodriguez's death in 1994, assisted by an anonymous physician,Svend Robinson rung the alarm of Euthanasia ...and it has been a topic of debate ever since...

In all the debates that have ever happened as of now,there have been only two categories who argue against IT...

Type I-The THEISTS, for they consider Euthanasia as a sacrilege on the grounds of the tenets and the dogmas that they have been preached..
They'd argue that if it's not in our hands to grant a life to somebody ,it would be Blasphemous to take somebody's life...and that The Death and The Life, both lie in the hands of almighty...

I'd blatantly want to ask these Theists..
Don't these preachings tell us to find a way to put an end to our sufferings,to let lose, to release.??..The one that we call Moksha...
And what if we have already suffered enough,and what if we already know a way to culminate our sufferings???
Why do we always have to succumb to the fatalism?
In today's world of science (where Craig Venter created artificial Life from a scratch),why can't the church and science go hand in hand?

Type II - The ETHICISTS ,they are the "common man" whose conscience have been parasitized by *The Society*, they follow all the rules, stick to all doctrines and laws religiously, they would argue against euthanasia/assisted suicide on the grounds of ethics, moral values, laws that have already been laid down by the society...

I absolutely agree legalizing Euthanasia would demand a lot...validating the case by getting into the legalities the deepest we can...

BUT Isn't it as important a case as a rape case,a murder case or a divorce case would be.?
I consider this even graver,that somebody's is fighting with the world ,to choose dying,imploring to help him die, to release him of the excruciating pain that he's going through every single second even without committing any crime...

What do you consider a more humane thing to do, to a man who suffers from a terminal illness?
Help the man put an end to his sufferings,if he's really imploring you to ,OR, watch him die little by little every single day?
I'd say it would be more than an ordeal happening to that being,while you act like his garroter...what could be more sacrilegeous than this?

Rodriguez was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), and she fought to have a legal right to assisted suicide.Under the Criminal Code of Canada,assisted suicide was punishable by a maximum sentence of 14 years in prison.She twice took her cause to the Supreme Court of Canada,but ultimately lost both battles.It was then in 1994 ,she decided to take her own life with the help of Svend Robinson.

Even Socrates chose to drink the goblet of hemlock for he couldn't have lived with the *pain* of *NOT* practicing his philosophic vocation...so he chose Dying with Dignity..

Many proponents advocate the term "voluntary Euthanasia" instead of "assisted suicide" ,for suicide is considered a "sinful act " by the church...
Recent studies also show that the available evidence suggests that the legalisation of physician-assisted suicide might actually decrease the prevalence of involuntary euthanasia.

I'm glad that Assisted-suicide has been legalized in several jurisdictions, including Belgium, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Switzerland and three American states (Oregon, Washington and Montana).

A person suffering from some terminal sickness should be given the right to choose DYING WITHOUT PAIN before death otherwise swallows him...

The Airport, The Departure.... 3rd sept '10

We get down the car...

The lights,the commotion, the hustle - bustle, the honking of the horns, the people rushing past me....a newly wed couple,so besotted with each other ,looks like they're flying to honeymoon in Switzerland or Paris or somewhere...
a mom continuously instructing her son..looks like he's flying for further studies to Harvard, Stanford or somewhere...
a disconsolate wife with her kid in her arms and tears in eyes...looks like she's come to see her husband off,who may not get back to em soon...


And... As you start mounting the luggage on the trolley,the lights start dimming everywhere in front of me.

Everything starts blurring and i can see only silhouettes of people as we tread towards the departures entry.

My head starts spinning around,and there's ringing in my ears..

The flashback: the tears,the laughs, the fights, the kisses, the teasing, the hugs, the witty banters, the whining, the taunts, the warm smile, the chocolates, the flowers, the drives, the walks, the cycle ride, the shopping, the biking lessons......

And ....The time to check in....
You hug me the last time and my heart starts pounding in my head and the feelings so mixed ,
as we reach gate 6..
The blood starts receding from my veins,as i see you walking through the departure's entrance, from counter to counter, to the luggage carousel, farther and farther away...

My world comes crashing down as you get lost into the crowd,and eventually out of sight.

The tears just don't stop. The security guards,the people around, looking at me,some with cold,some with pitiful,and some with remorseful eyes...two of them even come up to empathize.

It feels like someone is strangulating me ,and asphyxiating i want to Shout Out Loud....

Why do we have to succumb ourselves in the name of some crappy "Mr. Future"...who we don't even know to exist???
How can we be so sure that it'll fetch us happiness???
...Why can't we be happy right now when it's totally in our hands???
Why do You have to go away?

Why this fatalism??Why?

Happiness...a mere farce..

We keep running ,running and running the rat race for "happiness"...the void,the shallow,the superficial,the insubstantial happiness that we know.

I'm also one of those,i'm also one amongst "WE",except for the times when i'm blotto and inebriated.that's when i soar up above all the materialisms,the covetousness,the avariciousness,the voidness.....
I see the world trapped in this hamster cage of job,money,sex,prada,louis vuitton,kids,orgasms...and all these tags have a TM:HAPPINESS.

Ever bothered to introspect that this happiness is ephemeral???....the sooner you get used to it,the sooner it eludes you.

A school kid gets elated with joy with a bowl of candy,when young,a bike becomes that bowl,then getting a decently paying job,and as a young man ,orgasm transmogrifies into that bowl of candies....and he is contented enough to assume that the orgasm that happens to the genitalia is the highest state of happiness....And i think it is *imprudent* enough not to even bother to think that there could be one that could happen to your brain,that will imbue your intelligence with the enlightenment,the brightness,rather than the "black out "that you know,lasts only a few seconds...and this illumination could last infinitely.
You'll rise above all materialisms,the shallowness,the fear.

For that ,we need to find answers to.. Who we are? And What we are for?....for the highest purpose is simply lost and lost forever...we all keep running this vicious circle with a blind fold on our eyes without caring for the PURPOSE we are born for,we have come to life for.

I Miss It All...

The crappy tussle,
The smile so subtle.

The karma magic,
The crazy logic.

The scientist song,
The dreaming long.

The collected cans,
The complaisance.

The extreme ways,
The pissed off face.

The disorientation,
The trepidation.

The rooftop talks,
The undid knots

The crapulence,
The abstinence.

The sleepless night,
The diffused light.

The softest touch,
The sound of "hush".

The brooklyn mug,
The perfect hug.

The french omelette,
The colour violet.

The reckless heart,
The faux-pas.

The veins so stressed,
The hair unkempt

The sleepy voice,
Leaves no choice....

I Leave behind...

I walk out of this party in all drunkenness,
My heart inundated with youth’s sunkenness.

I dread what will become of me,
For so reckless I have always been.

It is beautiful, and I’m drunk and high,
The party is hovering in fronta my mind’s eye.

I have an urge to return,
But I do know there’s more to yearn.

For there’s so much more to learn,
And this recklessness I should burn.

By and by I come to thee,
For your sake from the party I flee.

Last word with you will have me revivified,
It’s in your arms hereby, I wish I died.

You are the one I dreamt for so long,
Time has come when I say that song.

I walk and walk with the vision so blurred,
I shouted to them , but no one heard.

I relished the drinks and music there,
But when I left,there wasn’t a sole to care.

Violent winds penetrate this gut of mine,
Am I reaching you ,or am I short of time?

This teal-taffeta that I’m dressed up in,
And winds make me faint for so much I sinned.

I swivel to see if I have come too far,
But neither a speck of light, nor a single star.

I feel lost, so lost inside,
Am I reaching you ,or am I short of time?

I’ve hurt my leg, my hands, my soul inside,
And the pain as if I’m firmly tied.


I see a man, from his horse,alight,
And question if he would give me a ride?

That’s when to another side he veered,
I cried out loud but no one appeared.

I freeze and freeze as if it were rigor mortis,
Will any one take me to where his fort is?

I no longer yearn for those tequila and lime,
Am I reaching you or am I short of time?

The Nightmare

I was effete ,i was callow
Hit the rock,when the path got narrow
Breaking my wing, i fall back on earth
Realizing my wound, i realize my worth.

The edge of the cliff you take me to,
I beg ,i plead but you turn so blue,
For the blood just ebbed from the heart of you
And this cold thing i hardly knew.

I try to fly but all in vain
For the broken wing and so much pain.
The lightning and thunder, it begins to rain
My elysian world begins to drain.

I scream ,i shout,this is not our fate,
There's no such way you would corroborate,
For the bosom deluging with so much hate,
The eyes so cold and obdurate.

The tennuous thread while you cut i see,
One last chance ,i beg and plea,
Till the last drop of hope my heart could weep
Then i close my eyes and take a leap.

I drown and drown in this stygian sea
And the water begins asphyxating me.

I forego the struggle ,for the hope just left
I feel bereaved,forlorn and oh so bereft.

Just when the life begins to recede,

A salubrious touch on the hand i feel.
with so much effort i open my bleary eyes
The warm sunshine,your angel smile,
Realizing the nightmare,i take a deep sigh.